Luffy will NOT become a Shichibukai!!

Is this the face of a Shichibukai?

I hate to bitch about stupid theories because as we all know they come and go and sometimes they are so absurd they become laughable. However, with this one stupid theory based on what the "News" about Luffy will be has infuriated me to no end. It is beyond just a crazy theory and enters the realm of I do not know how to read or care about One Piece at all. I assume some of the use of this could be trolling, but I find some people are earnest is their belief this is what happened. There are MANY reasons this would never happen both form Luffy's perspective as well as the World Government. I shall now list some of the many reasons why this makes absolutely zero sense in the story and would go against all we already know about the One Piece universe and Luffy.

1. Luffy is Dragon's son and therefore the World Government would not allow someone like that to be in their midst.
2. Luffy has already made an enemy of the WG on his own even beyond just the normal pirate ways. For fucks sake he burnt the WG flag and thus denoted declaring WAR on them.
3. The WG wants him dead especially since the Celestial Dragon incident. No way would they let him off the hook even if Sengoku did.
4. Luffy hates the WG for what they did in killing Ace. He would not work for them not in the slightest.
5. Luffy also has detest for them because of what they did to Nico Robin.
6. Luffy wants to be free at all costs, therefore being the "DOG" of the WG would not be anything he would ever consider.
7. Since Robin was amused by the "event" there is no way he would be a Shichibukai, because she probably hates the WG more so than Luffy.

Well that's just some of the many reason I think its a stupid theory. I am sure there are some scenarios which would make it somewhat feasible, but I think it would go against all we know and love about Luffy's character. As well as against the nature of the WG. If you have any other reason this would be a stupid idea feel free to comment below or heaven forbid you think its a great idea try and explain yourself, but i do not guarantee I will even consider them as feasible. If I am wrong I will personally make an apology for my ideas, but I do not really see that being the case. This was just one of those things that pisses me off even more so than all the every guy in the revolutionaries  is Sabo theories going around.